So, hey. I've just learnt something which I though I should share with y'all.
As a bit of background information, I'm intensely insecure, and subsequently paranoid and prone to having internal moments of crazy in which I freak out about everything to do with my life. Recently, I've been having more and more of these crazy moments, for no discernible reason.
My reaction, predictably, was to not tell anyone. Being paranoid, I assumed that if people knew I was a crazy bitch they'd get angry and disappointed in me and stop wanting to know me. So I bottled everything up, which didn't help in the slightest.
But as the crazy moments got worse and worse, and less and less brush-offable, it dawned on me that I really should tell someone. And now, I have. I've talked to three people properly, and once I publish this blog, I will effectively have made it open knowledge for everyone who knows me. (Which seems a silly way to go about it, but I have another purpose, so it's fine.)
Each time I've told someone, they've reacted with compassion, love, and nonhateyness, and really moved me as a result. By opening the door on my crazy, light has finally been able to shine properly on the dark part of my head. I feel so much better, and so much more confident in myself and my relationships with others.
So here's my message: talking to people is awesome.
I mean, obviously there are limits. You don't want to whine about every niggeldy thing that happens to you every day. But when you're really suffering, it's honestly best to be open about it to the people who care about you.
They aren't going to resent you, they aren't going to stop caring, they aren't going to turn you away. They pretty much always want to know, and will help you get through what you're going through, even if it's just a single positive sentence. Sometimes that's enough.
Hiding your dark parts isn't helping your relationships. If anything, it does the opposite. Relationships are built on communication; holding back on such important communication will stifle your relationship. You will start to behave in ways which your friends don't understand. You will eventually give off signs you're hiding something, no matter how hard a mask you put on. And that'll be awkward, and make your connection to those you love brittle.
A problem shared may not quite be a problem halved, but it's one which is much easier to deal with. You don't have to be alone. When you're alone, everything is a hell of a lot more daunting. Talking to people will make your perceive the issue as smaller, which is always a good thing.
So, yeah.
Don't be afraid to talk about bad things in your life. Often, it's the best thing for it.
And that's about that.
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