So a few hours ago, I posted a big brash blog thing about the potential of humans and how we can all be awesome if only we are to try. But I forgot to address something important, i.e, what inhibits people from trying so often. And that, I think, is fear of failure.
In this world, it's easy to think of life as though we are being scored on how many times we succeed and how many times we fail. Like there's some cosmic tally controlled by Mr. Society, who gives you a big black mark every time you do try and do something, and subsequently fail.
At primary school, we are often told that "winning's not important" and "at least you tried, that's what's matters". But it's difficult for these ideas to stick, primarily because those same adults telling us those things usually don't appear to be putting that idea into practice. And also because not long after we are exposed to the intensely competitive, ego-driven world of secondary school, which causes a lot of our primary school values to be swept away for good.
But I would propose that fear of failure is perhaps the single most unhelpful emotion humans have. To explain, I'm going to try and imagerise how I think trying, success and failure work:
Before you try, you are at ground level. In neutralville. Then, when you try, you are attempting to build blocks to somewhere better. If you succeed, you get to the better place. If you fail, you simply end up where you were before. So failing isn't actually negative in the traditional sense- trying and failing doesn't make anything worse than it was before.
Which is why fear of failure is totally unhelpful. The purpose of fear is to protect you from harm, like, "run away from that ferocious bear!" "don't touch that red-hot garden hoe!" "don't climb into the back of that man's van!" But fear of failure doesn't do that, because failing doesn't hurt you. It's doesn't make anything worse, it just stops things from being better, temporarily.
So if you don't try, you will remain where you are. If you try, then yes, there's a chance you'll fail, but the consequences of failing are the same consequences of not trying in the first place; and, crucially, there is a chance you will succeed, and things will be better.
I know of course, that none of this has much bearing on why people are actually afraid of failure. That is (as far as I can tell) because we are exposed to endless scrutiny as human beings from our equally insecure peers, and what we are really afraid of is the inevitable mockery and belittlement that will come from failing.
This is a difficult fear to transverse. But it's important to remember that people don't generally care about your flaws whilst mocking them. It just makes them feel good for a while. In a week, a day, perhaps an hour- most of those who mocked you will have completely forgotten what it was about. What they are saying (in this context) has no bearing whatsoever on who or what you actually are, or what they actually think about you. Being mocked for failing says absolutely nothing about you, and absolutely everything about the one or several mocking you.
Failing is fine; as is imperfection. Something doesn't have to be perfect in order to be beautiful- which is just as well, because perfection is pretty much imaginary.
For example- I know that this blog post has flaws. It's bizarrely ambiguous, and uses the word "mocking" and it's derivatives far too much. But that's not going to stop me posting it on the internet for potentially (except not actually) all of humanity to see. Because I quite like the point I'm making, and have hope that this post will vaguely help at least someone as they traipse through life.
Just to clarify, this is not a raving of "I am good at this, you should be as good as me". I am crippled by fear of failure far too often. Actually, it's worth noting in general that whenever I do everyday-life-made-better type posts I'm always at least one-third talking to myself. So, yeah.
Point being, do not let fear of failure stop you from doing absolutely anything. Because failure, in the vast majority of cases, has no consequences worth losing sleep over.
In this world, it's easy to think of life as though we are being scored on how many times we succeed and how many times we fail. Like there's some cosmic tally controlled by Mr. Society, who gives you a big black mark every time you do try and do something, and subsequently fail.
At primary school, we are often told that "winning's not important" and "at least you tried, that's what's matters". But it's difficult for these ideas to stick, primarily because those same adults telling us those things usually don't appear to be putting that idea into practice. And also because not long after we are exposed to the intensely competitive, ego-driven world of secondary school, which causes a lot of our primary school values to be swept away for good.
But I would propose that fear of failure is perhaps the single most unhelpful emotion humans have. To explain, I'm going to try and imagerise how I think trying, success and failure work:
Before you try, you are at ground level. In neutralville. Then, when you try, you are attempting to build blocks to somewhere better. If you succeed, you get to the better place. If you fail, you simply end up where you were before. So failing isn't actually negative in the traditional sense- trying and failing doesn't make anything worse than it was before.
Which is why fear of failure is totally unhelpful. The purpose of fear is to protect you from harm, like, "run away from that ferocious bear!" "don't touch that red-hot garden hoe!" "don't climb into the back of that man's van!" But fear of failure doesn't do that, because failing doesn't hurt you. It's doesn't make anything worse, it just stops things from being better, temporarily.
So if you don't try, you will remain where you are. If you try, then yes, there's a chance you'll fail, but the consequences of failing are the same consequences of not trying in the first place; and, crucially, there is a chance you will succeed, and things will be better.
I know of course, that none of this has much bearing on why people are actually afraid of failure. That is (as far as I can tell) because we are exposed to endless scrutiny as human beings from our equally insecure peers, and what we are really afraid of is the inevitable mockery and belittlement that will come from failing.
This is a difficult fear to transverse. But it's important to remember that people don't generally care about your flaws whilst mocking them. It just makes them feel good for a while. In a week, a day, perhaps an hour- most of those who mocked you will have completely forgotten what it was about. What they are saying (in this context) has no bearing whatsoever on who or what you actually are, or what they actually think about you. Being mocked for failing says absolutely nothing about you, and absolutely everything about the one or several mocking you.
Failing is fine; as is imperfection. Something doesn't have to be perfect in order to be beautiful- which is just as well, because perfection is pretty much imaginary.
For example- I know that this blog post has flaws. It's bizarrely ambiguous, and uses the word "mocking" and it's derivatives far too much. But that's not going to stop me posting it on the internet for potentially (except not actually) all of humanity to see. Because I quite like the point I'm making, and have hope that this post will vaguely help at least someone as they traipse through life.
Just to clarify, this is not a raving of "I am good at this, you should be as good as me". I am crippled by fear of failure far too often. Actually, it's worth noting in general that whenever I do everyday-life-made-better type posts I'm always at least one-third talking to myself. So, yeah.
Point being, do not let fear of failure stop you from doing absolutely anything. Because failure, in the vast majority of cases, has no consequences worth losing sleep over.
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