Hey you guys. (and everyone else reading)
I've wanted to say something to you lot about what you're going though for ages, but I've always held back, because I know nothing I say will ever really be enough. So I apologise in advance for the inadequacy, but, as a "veteran" bully victim and Person of Ever-Constant Insecurity, this is what I have to offer.
So, I know school sucks, because you're being condemned every day for who and what you are. I know you're probably (though not definitely) reacting by hating yourself and lying awake at night wondering what's wrong with you and how to sort yourself.
I don't know what they've decided is wrong with you, whether it's how you dress, or how you speak, or some physical feature of your body. I don't know what you'd change about yourself if you could. I don't know what your insecurity homes in on when you look in the mirror.
Just know that we all go through it. We all know we're not perfect, and most of us react to that by assuming that means we're not good enough. Know that those mocking you, laughing at you, kicking you, degrading you, treating you like shit because of something you are generally aren't thinking your flaws. They're thinking about their own, and have decided to make you the person they take that out on. That's unforgivable of them, but again, we all do it to some extent.
Know that perfect is not the same as good enough. All that your flaws prove is that you aren't perfect, but that's irrelevant. Imperfect people do awesome stuff all the time, everywhere. Everyone you admire is imperfect. Everyone who has ever improved the world or the human experience is imperfect. Your job isn't to be perfect, and never was.
So when that part of you tells you about you flaws over and over again, try to remember that everyone else has roughly the same amount of flaws too. There's no reason not to try and overcome or minimalise the effect of some of those flaws, but they aren't what's most important about you. They aren't what defines you as you.
Also, your job isn't to deal with the bullying. You're going to come up with a lot of advice, either directly or through works of fiction, that says your job is to put the bullies in their place and reform them or outfight them or whatever. But that can't work. There are too many insecure hotheads in a given secondary school to stop bullying from happening, and the causes of bullying are too fundamental for you to overcome them with karate or quick wit.
I know that sounds pessimistic, but it actually isn't. Once we get rid of the unattainable goal of making bullying stop happening, you can focus on what's really important- surviving it. Because that's what humanity needs you to do. We need you to come out of the other side of the sucky period known as secondary/high school alive and well and still "yourself" enough to offer the gifts/benefits you have to give the world.
That's about all I have to say. Just try and wade through the shit, and I'll wait here on the other side with a towel for when you leave school. Deal?
Much Love,
Sam Copson
I've wanted to say something to you lot about what you're going though for ages, but I've always held back, because I know nothing I say will ever really be enough. So I apologise in advance for the inadequacy, but, as a "veteran" bully victim and Person of Ever-Constant Insecurity, this is what I have to offer.
So, I know school sucks, because you're being condemned every day for who and what you are. I know you're probably (though not definitely) reacting by hating yourself and lying awake at night wondering what's wrong with you and how to sort yourself.
I don't know what they've decided is wrong with you, whether it's how you dress, or how you speak, or some physical feature of your body. I don't know what you'd change about yourself if you could. I don't know what your insecurity homes in on when you look in the mirror.
Just know that we all go through it. We all know we're not perfect, and most of us react to that by assuming that means we're not good enough. Know that those mocking you, laughing at you, kicking you, degrading you, treating you like shit because of something you are generally aren't thinking your flaws. They're thinking about their own, and have decided to make you the person they take that out on. That's unforgivable of them, but again, we all do it to some extent.
Know that perfect is not the same as good enough. All that your flaws prove is that you aren't perfect, but that's irrelevant. Imperfect people do awesome stuff all the time, everywhere. Everyone you admire is imperfect. Everyone who has ever improved the world or the human experience is imperfect. Your job isn't to be perfect, and never was.
So when that part of you tells you about you flaws over and over again, try to remember that everyone else has roughly the same amount of flaws too. There's no reason not to try and overcome or minimalise the effect of some of those flaws, but they aren't what's most important about you. They aren't what defines you as you.
Also, your job isn't to deal with the bullying. You're going to come up with a lot of advice, either directly or through works of fiction, that says your job is to put the bullies in their place and reform them or outfight them or whatever. But that can't work. There are too many insecure hotheads in a given secondary school to stop bullying from happening, and the causes of bullying are too fundamental for you to overcome them with karate or quick wit.
I know that sounds pessimistic, but it actually isn't. Once we get rid of the unattainable goal of making bullying stop happening, you can focus on what's really important- surviving it. Because that's what humanity needs you to do. We need you to come out of the other side of the sucky period known as secondary/high school alive and well and still "yourself" enough to offer the gifts/benefits you have to give the world.
That's about all I have to say. Just try and wade through the shit, and I'll wait here on the other side with a towel for when you leave school. Deal?
Much Love,
Sam Copson
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