Ten minutes ago I ate a banana.
Five minutes after that I panicked, thinking "did I really eat that banana, or did I just pull it off the bunch and leave it?"
I've just checked the compost bin, and concluded that I must have eaten the banana. So all is well.
Except IT ISN'T.
Because I shouldn't have to panic over which fruit I may or may not have consumed.
I spend about 70% of my life freaking out about shit which doesn't actually matter.
You know when you like someone romantically, and you analyse every single thing they say to you and the way they say it for evidence that they love or hate you? I do that with every single human being I ever talk to ever. It's really frustrating.
You know when you like someone romantically, and you analyse every single thing they say to you and the way they say it for evidence that they love or hate you? I do that with every single human being I ever talk to ever. It's really frustrating.
The top three concerns which take up nearly all of my thinking time are:
a) Does everyone hate me?
b) Did that thing just happen or is my shitty memory making it up?
c) Why am I not working ZOMG I'm such a failure! (this occurs even when I don't actually have any work)
a) Does everyone hate me?
b) Did that thing just happen or is my shitty memory making it up?
c) Why am I not working ZOMG I'm such a failure! (this occurs even when I don't actually have any work)
It's silly, because the human brain is amazing, and I should be using mine to think of actual consequential things, like how to solve problems and discover unknown mysteries of the universe. But all I ever seem to be able to focus on are the stupid concerns of an over-hormonal teenager.
It's gotten to the point where I just don't seem able to cope with life any more. I can't look at a situation without deciding it's going to go wrong and then coming up with eight million reasons why. When things do go wrong, or even slightly less than ideal, I just can't manage it. Somewhere in my neural relays it is decided, against my will, that this lack of total success is the end of the world.
The bright side is that it rarely stops me from actually doing anything. All it does is makes it nigh-impossible for me to enjoy most of the things I do with my time. And, pfft, who needs enjoyment!
Bleh. I don't know why I'm telling the internet this. Probably out of some desire to be honest with my bloggamareaders (or whatever I'm supposed to call them/you).
There are ways of curing such a state of mind. Mainly this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovLKUoMqPSg
And on that slightly brighter note, until next time! (When I'll go back to blogging about political issues etc. instead of my life. *relief for all*)
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