So, today I'm going to talk about something that annoys me. Brace yourself.
A lot of attitudes towards homosexuality basically consist of "I don't mind gays, but they should be less gay". While I'd rather people thought that than "HOMOSEXUALS SHOULD BURN IN HELL BLARGARAGAHAN", it's still irritating.
The first complaint is that homosexuals talk about homosexuality too much. I hear it all the time- "she always talks about her girlfriend" "he told me he was gay the first week I knew him" "does he have to keep mentioning the fact he likes men?".
The second complaint is in regard to those homosexuals who act stereotypically gay/camp/flamboyant/etc. I found a prime example on the internet (where all such things can be found), where a guy argued that gays would help their cause more if they acted more "normal", and less typically gay, as typically-gay behaviour makes people uncomfortable.
The logic from both these complaints often ends up saying that gay people rely too much on their sexuality for their identity, and that they should be more willing to express other parts of their selves.
Well, I have news for everyone.
Everyone ever in the whole universe relies uses their sexuality as a part of their identity to at least some degree. There are people who do so more, and there are people who do so less, but the degree of which you do so is not determined or even affected by whether you are straight or gay. It's just that when gay people refer to sexuality as an identity mechanism (or whatever the phrase is I should use), it's noticeably different to when most other people talk about relationships and sex and crushes and all of that. The reason for this is not because identity crises are more common among homosexuals, just because there are less gay people than straight people in the world.
In some attempt to make what I'm saying more understandable, cast your mind back over the last week, and consider what proportion of the conversations you had covered the topic of sexual and/or romantic relationships. Unless you have a particularly high-brow circle of acquaintances, I'm guess it was quite a big proportion. This, for whatever reason, is part of human nature.
In the face of this, the options presented to gay people are either a) clam up completely every time sex and romance is mentioned, or b) join in. If they do select option b), which pretty much any sane person would do, then they are going to talk about homosexuality and same-sex attraction, because that is what sexuality is to them.
Also, unless he is both a talented liar and stubbornly closeted, Homo Joe can't really help telling you he's gay, because sooner or later you are probably going to ask him "are you married?" "do you have a girlfriend?" "do you like anyone?" "would you ferociously mount that woman?". When getting to know people, we inevitably want to know about their relationship status, sex life, dating history, et al. Which is absolutely fine, you just shouldn't see it as an insecurity-fueled violation of human decency when Joe responds "actually, I'm gay," or even if he decided to get in quickly and establish which team he played for before you made him slightly awkward by asking him about vaginal interaction.
As far as the dressing/acting/sounding gay thing goes, it's a fairly similar story. Straight Sally wears lots of girly makeup and talks in a fluttery voice to inform the gentlemen that she would allow them entry should they knock accordingly; Leslie Lesbian goes for a more "butch" appearance and manner to indicate to any like-minded women around that she is up for some girl-on-girl shannanigans. Especially if you're a gay teen, it can be frustrating residing in what is usually the decidedly heterosexual world of secondary/high school. Therefore, you are going to want to make sure that if any gay potential-acquaintances come your way, they are as aware as they can be of the fact you are a fellow member of the Rainbow Brigade.
Also, if you feel uncomfortable around "our kind", then I do genuinely sympathise. It's another less-convenient part of human nature that we want to shun or avoid that which is obviously different from us. But if I was to humour your immediate wants and pretend to eye up the nearest age-appropriate woman, then I honestly wouldn't be doing you any favours. Chances are that at some point in life, you are going to be in a situation where you need to be civil-to-warm towards an openly gay individual for a sustained period of time. He/she might be a client, or a boss, or your child's friend, or even a relation. So politely asking homosexuals to "switch off the gay" while you are around is just going to make it more difficult to deal with that situation when it comes around. In short, it's best to get used to gay people before you need to do so quickly and panickedly.
So that's why it's fine and good for gay people to act gay. Or that was the intention, anyway.
Sayronara!
A lot of attitudes towards homosexuality basically consist of "I don't mind gays, but they should be less gay". While I'd rather people thought that than "HOMOSEXUALS SHOULD BURN IN HELL BLARGARAGAHAN", it's still irritating.
The first complaint is that homosexuals talk about homosexuality too much. I hear it all the time- "she always talks about her girlfriend" "he told me he was gay the first week I knew him" "does he have to keep mentioning the fact he likes men?".
The second complaint is in regard to those homosexuals who act stereotypically gay/camp/flamboyant/etc. I found a prime example on the internet (where all such things can be found), where a guy argued that gays would help their cause more if they acted more "normal", and less typically gay, as typically-gay behaviour makes people uncomfortable.
The logic from both these complaints often ends up saying that gay people rely too much on their sexuality for their identity, and that they should be more willing to express other parts of their selves.
Well, I have news for everyone.
Everyone ever in the whole universe relies uses their sexuality as a part of their identity to at least some degree. There are people who do so more, and there are people who do so less, but the degree of which you do so is not determined or even affected by whether you are straight or gay. It's just that when gay people refer to sexuality as an identity mechanism (or whatever the phrase is I should use), it's noticeably different to when most other people talk about relationships and sex and crushes and all of that. The reason for this is not because identity crises are more common among homosexuals, just because there are less gay people than straight people in the world.
In some attempt to make what I'm saying more understandable, cast your mind back over the last week, and consider what proportion of the conversations you had covered the topic of sexual and/or romantic relationships. Unless you have a particularly high-brow circle of acquaintances, I'm guess it was quite a big proportion. This, for whatever reason, is part of human nature.
In the face of this, the options presented to gay people are either a) clam up completely every time sex and romance is mentioned, or b) join in. If they do select option b), which pretty much any sane person would do, then they are going to talk about homosexuality and same-sex attraction, because that is what sexuality is to them.
Also, unless he is both a talented liar and stubbornly closeted, Homo Joe can't really help telling you he's gay, because sooner or later you are probably going to ask him "are you married?" "do you have a girlfriend?" "do you like anyone?" "would you ferociously mount that woman?". When getting to know people, we inevitably want to know about their relationship status, sex life, dating history, et al. Which is absolutely fine, you just shouldn't see it as an insecurity-fueled violation of human decency when Joe responds "actually, I'm gay," or even if he decided to get in quickly and establish which team he played for before you made him slightly awkward by asking him about vaginal interaction.
As far as the dressing/acting/sounding gay thing goes, it's a fairly similar story. Straight Sally wears lots of girly makeup and talks in a fluttery voice to inform the gentlemen that she would allow them entry should they knock accordingly; Leslie Lesbian goes for a more "butch" appearance and manner to indicate to any like-minded women around that she is up for some girl-on-girl shannanigans. Especially if you're a gay teen, it can be frustrating residing in what is usually the decidedly heterosexual world of secondary/high school. Therefore, you are going to want to make sure that if any gay potential-acquaintances come your way, they are as aware as they can be of the fact you are a fellow member of the Rainbow Brigade.
Also, if you feel uncomfortable around "our kind", then I do genuinely sympathise. It's another less-convenient part of human nature that we want to shun or avoid that which is obviously different from us. But if I was to humour your immediate wants and pretend to eye up the nearest age-appropriate woman, then I honestly wouldn't be doing you any favours. Chances are that at some point in life, you are going to be in a situation where you need to be civil-to-warm towards an openly gay individual for a sustained period of time. He/she might be a client, or a boss, or your child's friend, or even a relation. So politely asking homosexuals to "switch off the gay" while you are around is just going to make it more difficult to deal with that situation when it comes around. In short, it's best to get used to gay people before you need to do so quickly and panickedly.
So that's why it's fine and good for gay people to act gay. Or that was the intention, anyway.
Sayronara!
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